Alarm rang. So did the microwave.

Wood you believe I’m this powerful?

heavy meow-chinery

step 4: Pray someone else finishes it

“You’re wrong, but passionately confident”

“This root canal hit my soul”

“Change? I don’t even rotate”

Renaissance chic meets modern frustration

This dam’s got a monster shine

Darwin didn’t predict the blorb phase

Gardening? I planted myself in bed

“That outfit didn’t survive the hour.”

Bathroom? Nah, this Lyle’s octagon

Sand, sun, and stunning self-contradictions

“Photo store? You mean Instagram?”