Welcome to June, otherwise known as Men’s Mental Health month as well as Pride month! Well IWSMT will be doing several pride-themed meme lists this month, it’s important not to overshadow awareness for men’s mental health, either. Men get two months oriented towards their health, with November being more than just mental health, but generally where all the mental health events take place as to keep people’s calendars and wallets intact during June. The reality is, men need help! And it’s totally okay for that. Whether you’re really masculine and love “manly things” or you’re more effeminate, this month is for you: a man! So this list is a mix of some memes but also some more serious posts, and I’ll also be putting commentary on some, as a man who’s gone through quite a mental health journey in my life. While my advice may not be applicable to all men, I hope that it can help some!
We’ll start with this one! A lot of men feel this way, and usually sympathize with other men who express this frustration. And it makes sense! Talking about your feelings is really important.
I’m not victim blaming here, but the reality is that for pretty much anywhere in the world, it’s male-dominated. So either the pressure that men exert on other men has made you feel like you can’t express your emotions, or there may be specific people in your life that are blocking you from it – either way, you feel like there’s an external pressure on you to not express yourself, and that’s not okay. There are a few images here that give some tips on expressing yourself, and I’ll talk more then!
Just like the discussion from NAMI, other men, especially friends, can be a great resource. Vent your frustrations, speak your feelings, cry in front of them – if they’re truly your friends, they will sit with you, listen, and not judge you as you express your struggles. And if they don’t do that, then you need some new friends. The same thing goes for who you’re dating, too. A partner of yours should be ready and willing to hear you express yourself and be vulnerable with them! And if they say something along the lines of “be a man”, then they need to improve or get out of your life as well. When you rid yourself of these external pressures that make you feel guilty for existing, your life opens up – even if it comes with new challenges.
One of the reasons non-guys don’t give many compliments to men is interesting to me – see, men feel like they receive kindness rarely, and primarily only from family or a partner. Because of this, men oftentimes associate compliments/kindness with flirting or romantic interest, which isn’t really the intent of compliments and kindness for most people. So I challenge those that aren’t men to give out more compliments to men. Even if some misconstrue it as interest, you can genuinely make a great impact in their day, and the more they receive compliments like that, the more they realize that they aren’t intrinsically linked to desire.
There are some men who really feel this frustration, and usually end up taking said frustration out on Pride month. And I admit that it is unfortunate that due to Pride’s size, it does overshadow Men’s Mental Health month. But that’s also why all these drives and stuff happen in November, men’s health awareness month. I’d really heavily advise men who are frustrated by the “lack” of men’s mental health support in June to look more deeply at Movember or other movements that happen in November. A lot of them have really great causes and ideals, some of which still do things in June, and can offer great supports for men. Even No Nut November, which is the subject of a lot of memes, actually has a fantastic mental health aspect that helps de-sexualize your brain and helps you focus on authentic areas of life, sexual or not.
Seems silly, but improving your mental health starts with you. You can already make improvements by improving your physical health, eating healthier, and being more involved with your body, but even the non-physical aspects as well. Reach out to a therapist, admit your stress to a friend, or even have a cry in the shower. You have to learn to let yourself be vulnerable And that’s super scary when you’re convinced that the world doesn’t care about your feelings one bit! But as you start to do it, you realize that that’s a lie you’ve told yourself. People care about men, and they care about you.
One of the other issues men have is a lack of love for self. It may seem ironic, you may think, since “commonly” the issue is that men seem to love themselves too much, but that’s not even the case with most of them. Like women, men are also generally pushed into certain roles or shapes by people in their lives. Oftentimes these are about how to treat other people, support them financially or physically, and really nothing internal. Even though it seems counterintuitive, having much of their societal expectations be external means that men are left to their own devices on how to love themselves and establish healthy boundaries. Many struggle setting boundaries, and this is because they struggle with genuine self-love – even the egotistical ones. Because you haven’t expressed yourself, and oftentimes haven’t felt like you haven’t had the “chance” to do so, you’ve never really been able to identify who you are. You may have an idea on the inside, but you may not really realize it fully.
By expressing yourself and challenging yourself internally, whether it’s how you view masculinity, your struggles, your work life, or anything else – you get to see yourself. And by seeing yourself, you can better learn to identify what you truly like or dislike, and you get much better at saying “no” to things that you don’t like or don’t want. I’d even go far enough to argue that in some cases, men cheat on their partners not because they’re doing it for themselves, but because they don’t really know how to say “no” (still isn’t alright, but I think that these internal issues men face go really deep and effect a lot of things in their lives that they don’t see, or even understand).
Some men think the war on toxic masculinity, or even the patriarchy at large, is a battle against men. But it’s not! Maybe you enjoy some things that toxic men also enjoy, and perhaps you have been shamed due to that. But a lot of the problems that people want men to address can usually be traced back to men feeling stressed, depressed, or having bottled up emotions that they don’t even realize. It’s really easy to be patient, not yell, be violent, etc., when you aren’t pent up. By addressing the issues inside of you, you can help make the world a better place! Start with the man in the mirror. I promise it will make a world of a difference.
Don’t do this. Even if it’s just a cashier and you know you’re not going to have a deep discussion, don’t be afraid to at least say, “You know, it’s a little tough, but I know things will be alright.” This way, you get to tell people “Yeah, I am struggling right now,” and potentially open and invite a dialogue where you get to expand on that, but you also get to tell yourself that you know you’ll get through it and things will improve. It’s a two-birds, one-stone combo!
Á la a couple paragraphs ago, when you’re full of frustrations and feel like you can’t let them out, you still end up taking them out on something. You make yourself a scapegoat, and usually target something for your anger. This is exactly how you see politicians work, from Hitler to Bush to even your local hometown guy – they take your frustrations, and try to get you to point them at a specific target. In this way, men tend to think that due to Pride being large and in charge in June, that it must be a problem because it impedes on Men’s Mental Health month. But guess what, you can celebrate both! Not only do gay and trans men still have their own mental health struggles, especially as a minority community, but Queer people also want to see men better their lives and have better mental health. I promise you that.
If you feel like you can’t reach out – don’t care about that. Reach out anyways. Tell your friends you love them, you appreciate them, and that you’re there for them. Don’t be afraid of that. Again, if you’re afraid of losing people by talking about your feelings, then you never had those people in the first place. However, it’s really important to note that whether it’s family, friends, or a lover, that they are also people with their own struggles and energy levels. You can’t expect to be accommodated all the time, and others may have to shut down you venting to them from time to time. While friends are easier to talk to than a therapist, a therapist is also professionally trained to help you figure yourself out and deal with your struggles. While they can be expensive, I’m sure you can find a cost-effective solution for a few sessions!
Lastly, this.
If you’ve read any of these words, or even all of them, thank you. If you aren’t a man, my ask is this: by a man some flowers. Your dad, your brother, your husband, your friend – get them some flowers. It doesn’t matter if they wilt in a week, or even if the gift seems unappreciated at first. I remember the first time I was bought flowers, and while I don’t normally care for flowers normally, I was so incredibly touched. I wanted to show them off to everyone. I felt genuinely appreciated. And where a good chunk of gifts men receive from partners are sexual (and probably still appreciated), this shows a deeper and more wholesome connection to the man, and shows that you value him as a human. At the very least, think of it this way: a man is told to buy women flowers because they’re a sign of love and appreciation – that’s how he’s been trained to see them (even if you don’t see them that way). So when he receives them, he receives something that he knows is appreciative and loving.
Finally, thanks for listening to my periodic ranting. I don’t really do this a lot, but men’s mental health is important to me. It’s really hard to break out of a system that feels like it’s forcing you to keep things in, and I genuinely think that’s a solid part of why many men commit crimes, become controlling, and otherwise exhibit negative traits. While it may be “ironic” because men are largely “in charge of society”, that doesn’t mean that the people in charge aren’t also victims of this manufactured manhood.
Do your part to try and be a better person, and I promise that no matter what challenges life throws at you, you will always be happy. And that goes for anyone, regardless of gender.
– Guy
