Even in my sleep I’m a slob.

algebra is like onion pie

this is my emotional support steak

royale burrito with cheese

may the comedic force be with you

jurassic park holiday special

M. Night shyamalan memes because he wants you to knock at the cabin without giving credit to the original author

fast and furious but folders on your computer – each sequel is the same

but unlike in a video game you can’t start the level over

bring back the cats!

all it takes is the burden of being awake to set off my anxiety

why would you even have a cat if you’re not kissing their tiny soft forehead?

this is how i became the fun uncle

he just couldn’t quite put his paw on what was off

the more you drink, the more political you get

adding “italian mcdonald’s skeleton” to my bucket list