I’m married and we don’t have any kids…

this description is way too accurate

just waiting for the prices of everything to hit that sweet spot before pulling the trigger

all is not well in waffleville

you’re*

the power rangers have very patient villains

inflatable baby prison

anything can be a breakfast food if you eat it in the morning

keep laughing see what happens

As Twitter goes the way of the dodo, here are the best “alternatives” to choose from, if you can call them that…

the insurance mafia

the rootinest tootinest aliens in the west

turtle burglar

it’s not cheese, it’s liquid gold

google ain’t no snitch

every color means go to a cyclist