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My rented tuxedo had an extra tag on the inside jacket pocket to help me get through the wedding.
855 AWESOME
41 WTW
35 BORING
It’s a different life.
Time to use a new email
Is this thing up for grabs?
Thanks Bern. – Cats, probably.
Restroom [sh]art.
The third eye sees all.
X-ray are more fun with a manicure.
When doctors do visible damage.
Has advertising gone too far?
Batter up.
This guy flips.
When I dab you dab we dab.
It’s Mr. Manager to you, gran.
Ted kills.
No? Just me?
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That movie about the gay guys on the mountain…
I can’t even.
Dear God
You just can’t know.
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Things I say while driving
Why do we call our moon the moon?
Oh, the Special Olympics?
This was in my writing coaches office.
The debt of the world
I’ve been doing my nails all wrong!
When I like a girl
What 60 feet of snow looks like.
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