It’s not really my fault I haven’t done my homework…

It all sounds awful until you remember that statistically flying is still the safest form of travel

jesus was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple. good to know!

how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before

you cicada be kidding me!

new job opportunity – unfortunately it lacks upward mobility

toast and butter is an everyday phase

no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos

even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life

Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”

this is how many sides a circle has

you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before

the real reason millennials aren’t buying diamonds. Has nothing to do with ethics or morals

you’re not fooling anyone nasa!

taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink

there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person