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You want some advice. Don’t be this guy.
1045 AWESOME
173 WTW
125 BORING
there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person
you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before
who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode
i have such fond memories of funnel milk
It all sounds awful until you remember that statistically flying is still the safest form of travel
toast and butter is an everyday phase
even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life
jesus was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple. good to know!
taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink
this is not the car you want to end up behind on the freeway
Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”
i was without a phone once for 12 hours and it’s amazing how much attention i was able to pay to other things
this is how many sides a circle has
This is really the only acceptable way to watch four hour movies
no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos
I guess I’m a sapiosexual…
Just gimme dat charge…
OK dad it’s getting a lil weird now…
*sad kermie noises*
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World War [iced] Tea
We must go back, honestly.
You’ll have to try harder than that, gubment.
We do live in a simulation.
That’s life, baby.
Pigeons are not great at motherhood.
Sea bugs are best bugs.
Redundant jewellery is redundant jewellery.
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