Be careful what you wish for...

I've actually done this. Not proud.

What did you have for breakfast?

After just watching a woman pay for half of her groceries with food stamps, the other with a stack of $50s and drive away in a new Lincoln, this reinforced my unpopular opinion.

In an alternate universe...

That's a special feeling, Lloyd.

Welcome to September

The regal ring-neck snake.

Scumbag ice dispenser.

Raising Charity Money

Keep the sea at bay.

Women according to engineers.

I'm not fat!

I don't need sleep! I'll be fine!

Harrison Ford.

This kid is a genius