Things that have never, ever been said

I see you were turning...

The American Willpower

Hey mom, meet my internet friends.

When my coworker is away, I like to file snacks for him.

Wait for me, Hoo-Man! Now go ahead scratch my belly

I'm sorry, I can't hear you...

A polite way to tell someone they are stupid.

I'd celebrate, but that seems too rational.

2 stars.

Accept the reality of the situation

This will always crack me up

In order to protect my family.

Why not just put the cup on the table?

I forgot how to horse!