Sometimes I wish I was an octopus…

This is really the only acceptable way to watch four hour movies

i have such fond memories of funnel milk

i was without a phone once for 12 hours and it’s amazing how much attention i was able to pay to other things

how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before

even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life

you’re not fooling anyone nasa!

this is not the car you want to end up behind on the freeway

who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode

Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”

there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person

toast and butter is an everyday phase

you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before

this is how many sides a circle has

It all sounds awful until you remember that statistically flying is still the safest form of travel

no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos