all we are is dust on the shelf

a shower sounds so relaxing i tell myself before coming up with a fake argument in my head that i inevitably lose

someone found this shell at the beach with barnacles around it that make it look like a heart

wow, there are more lion statues than there are living lions in the wild. That’s… not good

kitty prison? more like kitty paradise!

this is exactly why you don’t send texts with microsoft excel

just when you think everything is perfect your bladder decides to speak up. every time.

the final resignation that finally forced boris johnson to leave office

looks like toilet snakes aren’t the only thing to be worried about when going to the bathroom anymore

gonna have to unfollow a lot of things, if we’re being honest

this is how you know you’ve reached peak boring adulthood

You never know. the guy asking might be into penguin onesies

That’s because we are closed and other viral tweets