Must be nice.

ode de febreeze

he had too many balls in the air

purr-fect

avoiding people in public is exhausting

Waste time with the fallout of amtrak tweeting “trains” with these one word repsonses

there’s no way a home made this soup

live laugh lobotomy

we spent so much time preparing for the zombie apocalypse we never considered other options…

and they said hollywood was out of ideas

i live at the zoo now

all my problems can be blamed on astrology

money on gandalf

it has stories to tell

don’t give me a reason and i won’t get mad

these crocheted dolls will definitely murder you in your sleep