blood type “Zero Ultra”

10 items or less? No, 10 minutes or more.

I’m not a regular adult, I’m a cool adult

The sign says “No,” his eyes say “Maybe”

Congratulations

No one will ever ask to stay over

poker face

“it’s fine”…a full PowerPoint presentation

Tomorrow’s lunch is currently a beautiful memory.

I’m looking for a fork and some dignity.

Nothing says “ancient mystery” like a trip to Alabama

Finally, a paper plate that survives a steak

I guess I’m too dry and soggy for this establishment

This is why I have 5% window tint.

If sleep deprivation had a profile picture

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