Encouragement from an Octopus

if alanis morisette owned a landscaping company

just when you think everything is perfect your bladder decides to speak up. every time.

a shower sounds so relaxing i tell myself before coming up with a fake argument in my head that i inevitably lose

when you really want to let someone know you like them, throw a piano

someone found this shell at the beach with barnacles around it that make it look like a heart

this is how you know you’ve reached peak boring adulthood

You never know. the guy asking might be into penguin onesies

That’s because we are closed and other viral tweets

You know Marvel is running out of ideas when Toilet King enters the MCU

unlimited power!!!!!!!!!

if you ever need to distract a guy, just ask him this simple question

gonna have to unfollow a lot of things, if we’re being honest