the small straw

dinner and show

when you get so drunk you turn into joe rogan you KNOW it’s time to go home

what would be your first question to our new alien overlords?

your secret is unfortunately safe with me

popsicles

gonna move into a cave and start a new life

when it comes to opening the produce bag we’re all equals

i’ll take dry heat over humidity anyday

so warm and cozy

what other movies would be impossible to explain to kids today?

i can never show my face in public again

if you’re a punctual person, now you know what your friends really mean they text you their eta

you had a good run

walmart would never have such an organized checkout line

life is like a box of jalapeno chocolates