G A T O will mess your day up.

modern parenting – resisting the urge to throw your child in the squishmallow display

toast and butter is an everyday phase

how to beat someone at chess when you’ve never played before

there is no way the ice cream man didn’t see this person

i was without a phone once for 12 hours and it’s amazing how much attention i was able to pay to other things

taking a break from pickpocketing to warm my bones with a hot drink

you’re not fooling anyone nasa!

who pooped the bed? sounds like an it’s always sunny in philadelphia episode

you know that you know you’ve seen that actor before

This is really the only acceptable way to watch four hour movies

no serial killer, ted bundy included, could match wits with me if i really applied by myself instead of binging on oreos

jesus was larger than a baby but smaller than a temple. good to know!

Best responses to tweet about “mystery flight”

this is not the car you want to end up behind on the freeway

even einstein’s marriage was relative. It consumed his life